Forgive me in advance for the rant that is now forthcoming. I am doing everything I can to make this marriage work and I see that Alpha is making an effort as well. We are talking more and spending more time together and I am very appreciative that he is trying as hard as he is.
I am back in charge of keeping track of the budget and we are back on track financially. We have plans to do things both together and separately. I haven’t found a counselor that works with our schedule and budget yet, but I haven’t given up.
All of the sounds great and it is great…if you’re vanilla; but I miss submission. I miss kneeling. I miss being told what to do. I miss being spanked. I miss being held accountable for my attitude or laziness. I miss pain. Hell, I miss sex! We haven’t had sex in like 2 weeks now. I long for him to take control stick a plug in my ass and choke me with his dick, then bend me over and pound me, taking it all for himself and denying me everything. I wish he was inclined to read our lifestyle books or a few blogs. I wish he would open his mind to all of the options out there. I wish for the kink in my everyday life. I miss it so much.
Either way, more sex is needed. I sent him an article about a 30 day sex challenge. Even though I am leaving again in 3 weeks, I was thinking we could us it as a trial run or something. However, he hasn’t acted very interested. He has even let his normal grooming go. Not sure what I can do except continue to support him and make myself available to him in every way possible. If he doesn’t communicate clearly with me, I can’t do much.
I love him so much. I hope we can continue to work through this together and that we find a routine that works for both of us.